A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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