the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
