i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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