and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
