I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
