My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
