its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
