UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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