Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
