I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
