I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Randomize
