I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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