6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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