If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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