I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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