Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
