Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
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