I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
