Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
