what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize