Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
