just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
