Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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