I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
