soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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