How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
