Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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