I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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