you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
