I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
