It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
