my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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