the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize