The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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