Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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