she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Drake has all the answers
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
