now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
