Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
