can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
