You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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