Jerry, you need to find god
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
