ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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