There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
