You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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