so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
smell my finger.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
