i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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