so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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