sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
