Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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