i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
