I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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