i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
