I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
