This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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