Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
