i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
