And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
