Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
