I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Shame - the story of my life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
