Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
