This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
