kristin has been a bad kristin
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
