I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
