What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
