its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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