i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
