I didn't shave. On purpose
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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