My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
