Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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