Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
