How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
