I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
