; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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