i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The police scanner is talking about you again....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
