Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize