If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
