but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
