this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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