You made me cry and you don't even care
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
