their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Never joke about your clitoris.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
