Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
